Alone, but not lonely.

Alone, but not lonely.

I always thought living alone would be tough, so I always avoided it. Like actively avoided it! I went from living at home to living on campus with roommates (RU Baby) to back living at home, to living with a significant other, etc and so forth. Fast forward to the present and it’s just me now. It’s been just me for almost 2  months now. I always told people I NEVER wanted to live alone. It made no sense to me. It seemed boring. And let’s be real, sometimes it’s boring as all hell. One thing I wasn’t prepared for was the quiet. I like solitude and alone time (I’m an introvert and a Scorpio) but sometimes it’s even too much for me to bear. I miss being able to plop down on the couch next to someone at any moment to talk, or to watch tv together or even simply scroll through our phones in silence together. Essentially I love company.

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(FYI, Whiskey makes everything better)

Now I am alone in my apartment trying to adjust. Not only to the quiet but to the freedom to do as I please when and how I please. To decorate as I see fit, to clean or not clean based on my mood. Some of the downfalls though are being responsible for everything on my own. I can’t call anyone to come help me bring the groceries in or spilt household chores with. I am already sick of dishes, I’m bout ready to throw them away. No one to reach or grab things in high places (I’m not using any of my top shelves smh).

There are many aspects that I am learning to love but so many others that I knew I would loathe, and that’s okay. I am okay with that. I am facing a fear and making a conscious choice to do the unpleasant and difficult stuff rather then avoid it. That’s how growth occurs.  I could’ve gotten a roommate or moved in with family but I chose not to. Not going to lie, I was tempted! Nevertheless, I didn’t give in to my anxiety or fear and take the easy way out. I intend to use this time and space to explore me, learn me, grow me, and love me more than I ever have in a way that I haven’t been able to in a long time or quite possibly ever.

Point I am trying to make here is that there is never a right time, wrong time, perfect time; there is just time. Do what feels right with the time you are graced with.